How having different self-care resources can serve as firm support
When our trauma is triggered, our central nervous system reacts: it gets overwhelmed, it changes the way we remember and react to things. It also impacts our so-called ‘window of tolerance’. Psychotherapist and Make Birth Better Champion Maria Garcia shares how understanding our window of tolerance can be useful to cope with everyday adversities. Furthermore she explores how this relates to traumatic events.
I am a psychotherapist, I am Spanish and have been living in the UK for the past 10 years. I work with teenagers, adults and groups. Since I had my daughter, I started researching maternal mental health. I realised the invisibility of people’s experiences during one of the most important transitions in life. I study the repercussions that this collective repression has on people's mental health. My practise is focused on supporting people during the perinatal period. One of my missions is to normalise and make matrescence, the process of becoming a mother, visible. I started a project to create a community, a place where women can support each other, making the reality of motherhood visible and validating real experiences that do not coincide with the very damaging social image of motherhood.
What is trauma?
In this post I will reflect on coping with trauma by using the window of tolerance, developed by Dan Siegel (Clinical Professor of Psychiatry). But first: what is trauma? Bessel van der Kolk, MD – psychiatrist, author, researcher and educator – explains in a 2014 YouTube video for The Psychology Networker: “trauma is an event that overwhelms the central nervous system (the mind) and changes the way we remember and react to things that remind us of it. It is an event we are incapable of assimilating and integrating.” Any event can be traumatic if it is perceived as a threat to our physical body and/or the survival of the self. An overwhelming experience from which we cannot recover on our own.
“Different events can trigger past trauma, like a smell, an image or an experience”
Your window of tolerance
Our window of tolerance is the mindset, a space or state in which emotions can be tolerated and information integrated. A place we inhabit in which we are able to connect and regulate emotions, accessing coping mechanisms to self soothe. Our windows of tolerance will shift, open ajar or completely close depending on different factors. Different events can trigger past trauma, like a smell, an image or an experience. Sometimes we don't know the cause, or even that it's been triggered. When that happens our window of tolerance shrinks to the point of disappearing, it closes completely. We then go into what's called hyperarousal or hypoarousal, also known as survival mode. In hyperarousal we are in touch with flight or fight responses. We are hypervigilant, anxious, angry, overwhelmed, we feel out of control. We are incapable of self-regulating and those emotions take over. In hypoarousal we freeze and numb. Our bodies want to shut down. Feeling zoned out, tired, not in touch with feelings. Again, we have no control over this space either and it takes over.
Reaching our limits
This idea of the window of tolerance is really useful to everyone, regardless of having experienced a traumatic event. Because first of all, it allows us to explore our limits. And second of all, it helps to identify which factors contribute towards that optimal self-regulatory or self-soothing space. Being within our window of tolerance means we are able to manage events and feelings. We will still get angry, scared or worried and we will cope with those feelings. There will be times when our window of tolerance is opened ajar, or completely closed, this tends to be caused by tiredness, burnout, stress, et cetera. Mainly when we don't take care of ourselves. We are in danger of reaching our limits and that’s when we move into hyper- or hypoarousal states.
“Being within our window of tolerance means we are able to manage events and feelings”
My flooded kitchen
I’ll share an everyday example of hyperarousal with you. A few months ago, in the beginning of the second lockdown for us in the UK I woke up to a flooded kitchen. The pipes underneath the kitchen sink were leaking. Finding a plumber who would be happy to come into my house in the middle of the pandemic wasn’t easy. I had to call over a dozen to find one who understood this as an emergency. My toddlers nursery was closed too and because of the pandemic restrictions I couldn’t ask anyone to look after her whilst I took care of the kitchen. This situation on its own was shrinking my window of tolerance. Albeit my window of tolerance that morning was already really narrow. I hadn’t been sleeping well because my toddler was teething so I was very tired and I was isolated, not being able to see my support network for a while. I had been feeling stretched in all directions for a while, trying to cope with this new lifestyle and experiencing fear, grief, anger and confusion. I reached my limit and went into survival mode, hyperarousal in my case. I was extremely frustrated and found myself shouting and arguing with people over the phone. I panicked and wasn’t unable to take small steps to handle the situation, I felt overwhelmed with problems.
When trauma is triggered
So how does this relate to trauma? When our trauma is triggered our central nervous system reacts. We might feel:
irritated, panicked
numb and shut down
zoned out, fatigued, disconnected
feeling a lack of control
overwhelmed
anxiety
anger
unbalanced
emotional
It is important to note that these extremes are safety mechanisms our bodies develop to cope with overwhelming things that make us relive the traumatic event. Our bodies experience the trigger with the exact same intensity, mechanisms and reactions it did with the traumatic event. Our bodies don't know the difference. This means we suddenly find ourselves in an overwhelming dangerous situation that we are unable to process and manage. Our bodily reaction to go into hypo- or hyperarousal are THE ways our bodies have to cope with such situations. It is often easier in hindsight to identify when we've been triggered. Two of the most important factors here to explore and get familiar with are:
1) self-care
2) triggers
Strategies to help you explore these two factors further are:
Talking therapies
Journaling
Body therapy (e.g. yoga/meditation/osteopathy/physiotherapy/pilates)
Self-care routines:
Sleep
Nourishing food
Contact with people
Fresh air, contact with nature and elements
Any form of exercise
Leisure, e.g. music, reading, painting, knitting, dancing, et cetera
“We need contact with other people, we need to belong, to feel valued and seen ”
Firm support
Having different self-care resources helps to widen our window of tolerance, acting as a firm support. We are complex beings and need nourishment in different levels, not only the basic survival need for food. We need contact with other people, we need to belong, to feel valued and seen. We are curious and strive for knowledge and understanding of the world. Aesthetics, the search for beauty and harmony are also important to us. Artistic activities feed a transcendental part of us that also needs attention, spirituality, religion, connection with nature, sexuality and philanthropy are some of them. These needs are not the same for everyone throughout their life, they will vary from one individual to another.
Fully equipped
Taking care of ourselves attending to these needs is equivalent to going out on an expedition fully equipped. We will be more likely to respond to external adversities and events without losing ourselves in it, meaning we are more likely to stay within our window of tolerance. It is important to note it is often the case we won’t be able to process and integrate those triggers and traumatic experiences without the help of different therapies.
For more information on different therapies and tools in dealing with trauma, please have a look on our page here. You might also find helpful our free download on self-care here.
Maria is a Make Birth Better Champion. She volunteers her time and shares her voice in our mission to help us drive change and make birth better for all. Are you interested in becoming a Champion too? You can read more about it here.