Naming my son: why my mental health put this on hold
Boitumelo Dibakoane hid her pregnancy until two weeks after her son was born. Here, she discusses movingly how the search for a name for her baby eventually led to self-acceptance and strengthened the motherhood bond.
Most mothers know what they will name their children, before they even get to the process of making the child and finding out that they are officially pregnant.
Choosing your child’s name is one of the best parts of the pregnancy journey and thereafter. You are giving the baby more life and an identity, which helps create a connection with your child. When the baby is in your womb, you get to talk to it, hoping to create a bond in the early days of the baby’s existence.
“The thought of picking a name for my son was the last thing on my mind”
Keeping a secret
My story goes a little different; my son got named two weeks after being born by my mother, his grandmother. My pregnancy was not the best and neither was my labour - the thought of picking a name for my son was the last thing on my mind.
I was alone, spaced out from everyone I loved - family, friends and my baby daddy - throughout my pregnancy, mainly because I kept it a secret until two weeks after my son was born.
I gave birth and left the hospital without an idea of what I would name him and it stayed that way for two weeks until my mother and aunt found out and helped me deal with what had just happened (the baby being born in a traumatising set up and my prenatal and postpartum depression).
What’s in a name
The joys of being a mother began trickling in and we spent hours on phone calls deciding what we would name him. I really wanted to name him Zion but there was a complaint from his grandmother that people would struggle to pronounce it, then came Letlabile, Kannello and many more.
The reason behind me not naming him was based on the fact that I was fixated on my journey ahead of lonesome parenthood, financial distress and feelings of not being sure that I even wanted the baby and mountainous other personal contributing factors.
“Finding a way to cope with the situation is more important than naming your child”
Take your time
The point of this piece is that, if you find yourself in a similar situation, I’m here to tell you not to feel the need to rush into naming your baby because other women have done so at a certain point in their pregnancies - take your time.
For young mothers out there and any mothers feeling a disconnect between the life growing inside them and themselves, it is okay. Work on yourself and finding a way to cope with the situation then move onto naming your child. The naming part is a drop in the ocean of motherhood, bigger things are coming, joyful moments, sad and worthy experiences are on the way, look forward to that.
The perfect decision
Fast forward to one year later, my big boy is growing and we are inseparable. I still have not cut the umbilical cord and I do not plan on doing so anytime soon…well as long as I am alive! He has a beautiful name, Moagi.
Moagi, a Sepedi name, meaning ‘builder’ in layman’s terms. However, with a little bit of depth, and in relation to my situation, he was meant to build me into the person I am today, a better person. Without a shadow of a doubt, I knew that it was a perfect name and I ran with it.