How my trauma sent me on a mission to help others
Clare Marie’s first pregnancy was as smooth as can be, but her birth story was different. She shares about how her mental health struggles post-birth eventually led her to train other women to become wellness professionals and widen the network of support available to new mums. The holistic tools that helped others, also turned Clare Marie’s second birth into ‘an out of this world, and amazing experience’.
My first pregnancy was almost perfect. I loved being pregnant and did not attend any classes, probably out of fear of birth, when I was enjoying pregnancy so much. For the most part, I sailed through each antenatal appointment.
But the birth was a different story: from my waters breaking at home, to going into sheer panic (which I know now is why labour didn’t progress), to 42 hours in labour, gas and air, pethidine, an epidural, a third degree tear and a poorly baby treated for infection and jaundice.
Too much
From then on it felt like I was on my own, more so in my dark thoughts than in person. Doctors would speak to me and explain things that I couldn’t hear with all the thoughts in my head. I was traumatised, overwhelmed, and it was all too much to take in. And this was only the beginning of my journey into motherhood.
In the months that followed a lot happened in my life, I moved home, which meant being further away from my family, my partner had an accident overseas and didn’t get home for another four weeks, and then to top it off the business I had worked hard for had to close down – as I had no staff left to run it and I couldn’t’t go back to work fulltime to support it.
“I did not feel safe looking after a baby”
Getting help
As you can imagine life had changed drastically, at my lowest point I had nightmares, intrusive thoughts, and suicidal thoughts. I did not feel safe looking after a baby. I needed to admit defeat and get help. The doctor wouldn’t give me medicine: they told me to seek counselling and find a way to "make myself happy again”. I applied to counselling to be added to a long waiting list which I never reached the front of. The only option I felt I had was to work with the skills I had always known which is holistic therapies, and which I had done for the last ten years previous. I had treated many women over the years, listened to their problems and helped them in some way to feel more relaxed and calm and ready to tackle the world again, so I knew there was some power in it. Along with a deep burning desire to help prevent this outcome for other mums who experience birth trauma followed by very little support to recover mentally and physically.
Supporting others
So that is when my business began offering pregnancy massage and baby massage classes in my local area, but what was about to happen I could never have planned for. I was inundated with women wanting help and even more services than I offered, so I trained as a maternity nurse services, hypnobirthing teacher, and doula, so I could provide more hands-on help to new mums.
I continued to do this throughout the pandemic through charity work, so I felt I was still doing something to make a difference.
I soon realised I couldn’t’t do this alone, and I needed to recruit more therapists so I decided to set up a training school to train others in these services, to offer in their local area. This is where The Baby Care Academy was born, which has grown rapidly over the last five years. I am so proud of what I and the students have achieved in this area, with my mission soon becoming ‚to bring more holistic wellness care into the pre and postnatal mainstream services’.
“I needed to trust my body to birth this baby ”
Out of this world
Then I fell pregnant with my daughter. As you can imagine, I was worried initially about going through birth again, but soon reassured myself that with all the skills I had learned and the families I had supported, I needed to trust my body to birth this baby. The pregnancy was much more challenging with gestational diabetes, frank breech baby and early induction of labour.
But the birth of my daughter was something out of this world amazing, one of the most amazing experiences I have ever encountered. Leading up to my birth, I found out that to my delight my local hospital offered pregnancy massage, aromatherapy, reflexology and best of all massage during labour (staff permitting). I feel this made an amazing difference because I was going to the hospital and practising being relaxed in that environment, the place and staff became familiar and comforting. The first 24 hours after the induction gel was applied, I had mild contractions but created the most relaxing birth environment, hot food for breakfast, lunch and tea, and time to be present in the moment. Come the next morning, a midwife encouraged me to go for a bath and do some walking so I did just that. To my surprise, on arriving back in my room, my waters broke and my contractions came thick and fast, but I didn’t panic. I got on my birth ball and breathed through each one, standing up and moving around between each one.
Amazing
Sometimes I was without a midwife present (midwife shortage crisis) but because of the skills and environment I had created, I knew I could do it! My baby girl was born using gas and air for the final pushing stage, within two hours of my water breaking. My mum (my birth partner) and I were crying with pure shock delight and amazement at how amazing the whole process had been. My mam, who is more practically minded, is now a firm believer in holistic wellness and the power of breathing and relaxation.
Making a difference
I am now pregnant with my third child and I am honestly so excited to give birth again, the Clare back in 2018 would not believe this would ever be true!
So, I want to stress the power of including holistic wellness in today’s pre and postnatal care services and I am thrilled to have trained so many other therapists and practitioners to make this difference too.
NOTE: The birth stories shared on our blog our personal perspectives. Our blog is about sharing all versions of birth and opinions on birth trauma and vicarious trauma. We pride ourselves on being an inclusive platform with voices of a diverse range of parents and professionals.