What about the partners?

Dr Andy Mayers (@drandymayers) is a perinatal mental health researcher and campaigner. He’s been working in the field for 17 years and has more recently been focusing on fathers’ mental health. Andy shares insights from research he executed at Bournemouth University in 2020, however one thing that pervades all of that work so far is that partners are not getting the support they need regarding perinatal mental health, nor are they being recognised sufficiently by healthcare professionals in that respect.

Please note: Andy’s findings were shared on our Instragram feed in 2020, this is an edited repost of his earlier words. 

My work with fathers’ mental health has focused on three aspects: what support do fathers need to help their partner should she develop poor perinatal mental health; what support do they need for their own mental health; and what information and support do they need if they witness their partner’s traumatic birth.

From research, we can clearly state that partners are not getting the support they need when it comes to perinatal mental health, nor are they getting sufficient recognition from healthcare professionals here. If support for fathers’ mental health is limited generally, it’s even more restricted for fathers who are present when the birth of their child becomes traumatic. In recent years, there have been some promising developments in understanding more about mothers’ experiences of birth trauma, including the risk of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). However, still little is known about what information and support fathers need should his partner experience a traumatic birth.

Anecdotally, fathers have been telling that they receive very poor communication from health professionals when the birth becomes problematic. This leaves them with little understanding about what has happened, what the consequences might be (for his partner and for himself), and how he can help. 

“At no point was there any explanation to either my partner or myself to calm the situation”

At Bournemouth University, we undertook some research asking fathers about the experience of witnessing their partner’s traumatic birth. We wanted to know how this impacted upon their wellbeing, and what support they received during and following that birth. The responses were used to develop themes to gain a better understanding of fathers’ perceptions. We worked alongside Make Birth Better to generate questions and reach our target population. From those responses, three main themes were identified: dads are in need of a better understanding about their experience, they felt excluded from the experience and there’s not enough support for partners postnatally. 

Dads shared they needed a better understanding about what had happened. Many suggested that ‘nothing could prepare them’ for the experience. One father said: “At no point was there any explanation to either my partner or myself to calm the situation.” Another stated: “The antenatal classes are too positive and preparation for all eventualities was poor.” Some fathers felt like they were ‘merely a passenger’. One dad said “I felt I had no control at all, as there was nothing I could do to fix the situation. I just had to wait for the doctors to sort things out.” 

Supporting what we have heard anecdotally, fathers confirmed that they felt the experience was ‘not about them’. While no one would argue that the attention should be diverted from the mother, fathers need information and support too. One dad stated: “No, I’m the male. My presence was often not acknowledged let alone my feelings.” 

It was not just the experience of the trauma itself that the fathers spoke about. They also expressed concerns about what happened after that. One dad said: “The trauma of my son’s birth put me immediately into what felt like sole-responsibility for my entire family 24/7, ultimately excluded me from colleagues and friends and I struggled to cope.” Trauma clearly has an impact on many partners’ mental health. We must keep campaigning for change. Partners matter too.

If you feel you’re struggling with your partner’s birth, please refer to our Support for Partners page here. When you’re in a same-sex relationship we know the struggle with support can be even bigger. You might relate to this piece from Lucy who felt overlooked and mistreated when her partner gave birth to their daughter. We also recommend checking out Pink Parents, a great website for gay and lesbian parenting issues.