I've turned my hell into a heartfelt mission
This is how I would explain Post Traumatic Stress Disorder to someone unfamiliar with it. Imagine a world full of your darkest fears, a world full of dark horror movies you wish you had never watched in your teens. A world where you are paralysed by bad memories and anxiety. Where you are fearful of stepping out of the front door, fearful of climbing your own staircase, fearful of being alone and fearful of what harm might come to you – or the bright smiling baby bouncing on your lap. Worse still, fearful of what harm you could cause to him, to yourself or to others you love.
Now imagine the time that you’ve been waiting for your whole life. A new baby, maybe your first, or maybe an expected extension to your family. Or sadly, maybe something you did not wait for, or not so planned, like a pregnancy resulting from an abusive relationship or assault, a stillbirth or unexpected complications.
Now combine these two pictures and you have postnatal PTSD. Yes, that’s right, like the soldiers at war. ‘It’s a taste of hell itself.’
Denial
Many people are familiar with the term postnatal depression but the terms postnatal anxiety and PTSD (when multiple symptoms of birth trauma persist) are not so well known. Over the course of history, women have silently struggled, sometime for years, in the absence of its recognition, diagnosis or treatment. Some have even committed suicide.
I’m a senior musculoskeletal physiotherapist (this means I am specialised in treating injuries and conditions which affect the muscles, joints, and soft tissues). In late 2019 I had my third beautiful baby boy. Despite the joy of his arrival, little did I know that I would soon be facing the most horrendous period of my life and little did I know that even the thought of stepping back into a hospital environment for work could be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
“Panic attacks made it impossible to get out of my car, go to a shop or do the school run ”
Fight or flight
When my little boy was four months old I was diagnosed with PTSD. I was stuck in ‘threat mode’, trapped in my own head, unable to escape. Paralysed by flashbacks of the birth, irrational anxiety, horrific nightmares (day and night), hyperarousal and hypervigilance. I was continually in the ‘fight or flight response’ and panic attacks made it impossible to get out of the car, go to a shop or do an everyday school run. I became more introverted than ever and much to my frustration, had to rely completely on family support. I wanted to be able to enjoy my newly extended family but my head wouldn’t allow it and there was nothing in the world that I could do to change it or snap out of it.
My heartfelt mission
To my shame, I’ve often been a sceptic when it comes to mental health conditions and have always been more comfortable treating those ‘more straightforward’ musculoskeletal or orthopaedic conditions. However, my experience in the last nine months has opened my eyes to a whole new understanding and it is now my heartfelt mission to increase awareness, screening and improve management of this condition within the physiotherapy world and beyond.
“To my shame, I’ve often been a sceptic when it comes to mental health conditions”
With recent unprecedented events there is expected to be a rise in postnatal PTSD. With women’s health physiotherapists being an essential part of the postnatal care team, it is imperative that adequate training is made available. This goes for screening, onwards referral and potentially (in the future) access to postgraduate specialist mental health/psychotherapy qualifications or techniques. It is my genuine belief that doing so, could for some women, make the difference between life and death.
By Carys Hansed, BSc. (Hons) Physiotherapy MCSP
Sources: Kim Thomas Birth Trauma: A Guide for you, your friends and family to coping with post-traumatic stress disorder following birth.