I hope no one goes through what I went through
I was born and raised in Sweden, just not treated like a proper Swedish citizen when I gave birth. I suffered from racist comments because of my Somali background. I had a traumatic delivery which I feel was largely due to the way I was treated. I’m sharing my story because I want people to be aware of what racism does. I just wish no one goes through what I went through.
I am 23 years old. I gave birth to my baby at Karolinska University Hospital in Solna, Stockholm (Sweden) in November 2019. I have always been a healthy woman without any illnesses. When I birthed my baby I had a doula with me, which I wanted because I was afraid to give birth. My midwife was aware of my fears as I discussed it in a conversation with her before going into labour. I feel I was treated wrongly during childbirth and after. In this piece, I will explain what happened to me and my family.
Disrespected
My wishes were not respected during childbirth, like when I was persuaded to use gas and air, even though I repeatedly said no. I was also forced to lie in bed undergoing a cardiotocography (CTG) during a shift change, even though I protested. They said it would only take 20 minutes. It took almost 50 minutes. They did not ask for my consent and made me go through it. And so it went on, the midwife complained about me not wanting gas and air during labour. Like many other women I wanted to influence and participate in my own care, therefore I had written in my birth plan that I wanted to give birth naturally. But I feel my wishes were not respected and I had no support.
“I think many of the things that were done were only for the student to ‘practice’ on me.”
I was not given any information on the disadvantages of several interventions made during labour. For example, my midwife insisted on putting an Oxytocin drop on me, even though I said no. I asked her if there were any side effects and she said there were none at all. This information was false and misleading. Although I had said no earlier, she put the drop on me. I consider this to be a violation of my own body’s right. Why couldn’t I decide whether I wanted the drop or not? It felt like this intervention was taken just to speed up my childbirth. I think this is wrong. When the midwife put the drop on me against my will I ended up in shock. She had a student midwife with her. I got the impression that many of the things that were done to me were only for the student to ‘practice’ on me.
Like a human guinea pig
I was mistreated and offended. In many ways, I felt like a human guinea pig in a laboratory experiment. Like with the many long vaginal examinations that were done, mainly because the Fetal Scalp Electrode (FSE) got stuck in my babies hair. I later learned this can lead to a serious infection with mother and child, but no one warned me about these risks. It was very uncomfortable and shattering, I was no longer in a position where I was able to protest, the birth of my child was no longer mine.
I ended having a ventouse delivery. I experienced the ending as a rush. I wanted to push out the placenta after my child was born. So I asked if I could push, but the midwife and the student midwife did not allow me. Instead, I felt that they ‘pulled’ the placenta out. I understand that this can come with an increased risk to bleeding and that residues of the placenta can be left in the uterus. Bu again, no one explained these risks. I think many of the interventions that were done early were done unnecessarily and they were done without my consent. I felt ignored and silenced. After the birth, no examination was done to ascertain that residues of the placenta were not left in my uterus. This caused an infection: pieces of the placenta were left inside of me. Although I had complained to the midwife several times that I had awful pains in the lower part of my stomach, I was not taken seriously. I want to specifically point out again, that no examinations were done on me after childbirth. Instead of taking me seriously, they gave me paracetamol and ibuprofen every third hour.
“I told the midwife that I had awful pains in my stomach, but I was not taken seriously. ”
She just didn’t listen
I had a high temperature of over 40 degrees and the hospital staff tried to lower the fever constantly by giving me painkillers without any examination whatsoever. I complained about the pain in my stomach all the time, I had chills and was freezing. I couldn't pee so they had to put a urinary catheter in me to empty my bladder. The midwife said that my condition was not dangerous: that it was common to feel like I did and that it could very well be mastitis – an inflammation of breast tissue. She just didn't listen to me. My breast did not hurt, but my stomach did. This went on for two days. When the pain became unbearable the hospital staff wanted to send me home. I refused and I feel the midwife tried to shut me down by finally giving me a morphine pill. I took the tablet and screamed for help. I cried ‘I am dying’. Immediately after that, I collapsed. That's when they took me somewhat seriously.
My trauma
After all of this, I went into a sepsis shock (this is a common cause of death in critically ill patients) and all the doctors and nurses buzzed around me. I got blood poisoning, all my organs stopped working and the infection reached my heart. The doctors tried to save my life. I remember waking up once by a heart starter, I was losing a lot of blood and all the doctors were shouting my name. I think this could have been avoided if they listened to me from the beginning and had examined me when I said that I had a stomach pain. I would never have had to suffer from this, even today I live in trauma. As a result I had heart failure, respiratory failure and kidney failure. I lost a lot of blood and needed a transfusion of nine bags of blood. I was quickly admitted to the intensive care and they didn’t know if I would wake up again. I was between life and death. I was in coma for eight days. Once I woke up, I ended up in the heart department where I got to ‘start over’ again. I had to learn how to walk, eat and go to the toilet again. I needed assistance from several physiotherapists every day. I also had to see doctors continuously who were tracking my progress and my heart condition.
“t was supposed to be a beautiful and memorable experience, but it was a nightmare.”
Seriously flawed
During my hospital visit me and my family got racist remarks by doctors and nurses. I have gotten access of my hospital records and there are a lot of errors, misleading and irrelevant information in the document. I want my hospital records to get re-written and corrected. I also want the hospital staff to write deviation reports on themselves. I believe that the situation at this hospital is seriously flawed and I sincerely want no mothers to have to go through what I went through.
While I was hospitalised, I got discriminated several times. I had a urinary catheter post-birth for a long time and was going to be sent home after over a month’s stay in the hospital. I refused to go home with the catheter because I needed help with learning to pee by myself. They sent me to a urologist the same day. She showed me how to manage, empty the urine from the drainage bag and take care of the catheter by myself at home. I had to go back to the hospital later as I did not remember all the details. I met a midwife and a doctor who both tried to empty the catheter, but they could not manage. I then asked if it was common to not be able to pee after a delivery and to have a remaining catheter for so long. Both the midwife and the doctor responded (unpleasantly) that my difficulties stemmed from me being circumcised. Because of my Somali background and my skin colour they discriminated me by concluding that I was circumcised without reading my journal, when in fact – I am not circumcised.
Huge scar
The thought of this experience gives me great anxiety and I am still traumatised today. My first labour was supposed to be a beautiful and memorable experience as a mother, but it was a nightmare. Had the midwives taken me seriously and listened to me from the beginning, I would never have had to go through this. It’s left a huge scar. I was not heard when I complained about my pain and was asking for help.